Am I burnt out or is the world just ending?
Am I lonely or am I suffering from an existential crisis amidst a global existential crisis? Does anything matter anymore at this point? I hate to write such doom and gloom but I’ll be honest, I have reached the point of struggling to decipher what to care about anymore. I can’t keep up with the news. I don’t know what to consider fear mongering or what to count as truth. I know America has made the grave mistake of starting a war but I am not exactly sure what I can do about that. And on top of that DHS is still kidnapping people, unemployment is rising along with the prices of… everything, and it is clear that there is no end in sight of possibilities.
I asked Google how many articles are currently circulating about the war Trump started and it’s thousands. Every time I open an app, there’s a headline about something; intercepts, sleeper cells, bomb threats, TSA lines. You know… I didn’t even realize we were also in the middle of a partial government shutdown. Those headlines feel so far removed. January 31st came and went and somehow our presidential administration thought it was a good idea to launch into another middle east conflict that nobody asked for. Well – there is one entity that benefits from U.S. involvement, but this isn’t another article about all of that. That’s just where my head is.
I am trying to wrap my head around the current state of the world. Then I decide I’m not going to care telling myself that I’ll just sit in my bubble. Then I loop back around and repeat. When does it end? Is everyone experiencing the same thing and just moving on with their days?
Today, I woke up exhausted. It has been multiple days in a row of abruptly opening my eyes around 5AM. A time I’ve exclusively reserved for sleeping. I have attempted to be an early riser but then I’m up late ruminating on writing and creating and chores and lists, I must add everything to the list, and getting sidetracked and thinking about work and and and…. I could go and on and on. You’ve seen those endless spirals. Sometimes I feel like my brain is one long thread fraying at the end waiting to be pulled; triggered by a creeping thought. All it needs is an ounce of angst and my thoughts are off to the races.
Am I prepared for a catastrophic event? Absolutely not. In fact, I was just complaining about having excess of food that probably won’t get eaten. I try to only shop for the things I will need in the moment. But lately, I keep going back and forth about stockpiling. Is there enough to last? And for how long? Do I need batteries? Do I need weapons? I definitely need to get some Vitamin C supplements because.. scurvy! It’s ALOT.
How are we supposed to act like none of this is happening? Time and time again these moments in history arise and we hope to God that the dust will settle with minimum threat to existence. But this time… I’m not too sure. This time I’m praying for a miracle to happen, something to show itself full of hope and promise because where we are now is seemingly hopeless.
In the meantime, I’m reminded that I can only control myself and so I’m writing a list of 5 things I can do to regulate and come up from air, to not let the impeding burn out win.
Take a walk, get some fresh air. Let the sun touch my skin.
Take a break from my phone and the internet in general. Currently, I can hear the wind chimes my neighbor hung and it makes the wind sound magical.
That leads me to three - spend more time noticing the tangible. Flowers and butterflies or clouds forming shapes in the sky, all of these things are worth pausing for.
Stretch. If not for bodily maintenance then do it to send love to the places stress is stored. Maybe my hips could use a little help letting go.
Breathe. When’s the last time you’ve taken a full bellied breath? Inhale and exhale without holding anything back. I’m often surprised in the moments I can tell I’ve been holding my breath and lately, it’s happened significantly more. It always feels good to let it out, sometimes even with an audible ahhh.
I’m sure there is a whole lot that could be done but this is where I’m starting. If you can relate, I see you. Maybe, you too, could use somethings to help calm your nerves. I hope you find what works. We’re kind of all in this together after all!